my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
