Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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