I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
