and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
