YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
