i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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