you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
