apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
