Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
