there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
