so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
