I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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