So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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