Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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