i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
