it was like his penis was on wheels.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
