Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
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Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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