are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
