Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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