Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
