brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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