Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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