i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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