Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
