I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
