I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
