Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
