my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
