Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
