you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
