Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
