This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
