SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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