THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
