I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
