Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
