There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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