i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
