so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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