I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
