ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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