she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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