who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
