We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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