Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
