Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
