i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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