Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
