wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
