Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
