Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize