I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
