there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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