Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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