dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
