i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
