I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
