theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
