your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
