You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
