So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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