I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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