There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
