it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize