my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
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I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize