I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
