If you die in college, do you die in real life?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
