quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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