After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
