I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
