Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works