I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
this just has baby written all over it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She needs sedatives and a leash
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
