Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
